


I'm Not Letting Go

by SuperKat



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Adora (She-Ra) is a Dork, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Lesbian Character, Canon Lesbian Relationship, F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Glimmer (She-Ra) is a Good Friend, Idiots in Love, Like immediately post canon, Panic Attacks, Post-Canon, Romance, Shadow Weaver | Light Spinner's A+ Parenting, Therapy Cat Melog (She-Ra)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-13 16:35:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,034
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29404917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SuperKat/pseuds/SuperKat
Summary: Everything comes rushing back to her in an instant: her, Adora, kissing.Her and Adora kissing.Prime is gone. The world has changed forever.  These are the weirdest flowers she has ever seen.This is happening, she thinks, tracing the edge of Adora’s face with her fingertips.  This is really happening.
Relationships: Adora/Catra (She-Ra), Catra & Glimmer (She-Ra), Catra & Melog (She-Ra)
Comments: 9
Kudos: 131





	I'm Not Letting Go

**Author's Note:**

  * For [caminante](https://archiveofourown.org/users/caminante/gifts).



> For the shmoopiest nerd I know. Thank you for making our life nerdier and gayer than I ever could have expected. Every day I think about how lucky I am to have married you. Happy Valentines Day, my love.
> 
> -
> 
> Can be read as a prequel to "Restoration Day," but it isn't necessary to have read that fic first. If you have read it, think of this as "Year Zero."
> 
> -
> 
> CN: Panic attack

_“Then let’s do this. Together.”_

* * *

The four of them hold the embrace for a few moments longer. It’s strange, having this kind of extended contact with someone who isn’t Adora - stranger still not to fight it. There’s a palpable sense of relief in the air, relief and…something else Catra can’t describe.

She keeps her hand on the small of Adora’s back even after they let go. Catra and Adora follow Bow and Glimmer back the way they came, but at a slower, more leisurely stroll. In a matter of minutes, they have slipped so far behind that even Catra can barely make out Bow and Glimmer's conversation. Catra doesn't mind; she's perfectly content to share these moments alone with Adora, here in this peaceful silence, in this brand new world they created. Tufts of gold magic rise and drift around them, and Catra squeezes Adora’s hand as they enter a field full of the strangest flowers Catra has ever seen.

“You know what’s weird?” Adora says.

 _Yes._ Catra wants to say. _These flowers. Us. Here. All of this._ Instead, she looks at Adora expectantly. 

Adora is staring ahead, her brow furrowed. Catra wants to kiss every inch of her face. Maybe she’ll be able to sometime. The thought sends a thrill up her spine and down to her fingertips.

“I never figured out what Grayskull is,” says Adora.

This…is not at all what Catra was expecting. She spends a moment thinking of a response, but in the end she can’t help but burst out laughing. Tears sting her eyes and she nearly doubles over, her arms crossed over her abdomen. She can hear Adora giggling too. Catra finally composes herself, cups Adora’s face in her hands, blinks the tears from her own eyes, and kisses Adora’s forehead because _she can do that now_.

“I love you,” she says. “You are. Just, the...I love you.”

Adora is blushing. “I love you too.” She wraps her arms around Catra’s waist and Catra feels her tail swing back and forth as a gentle purr rises in her chest.

They stay here for a few long moments, just holding each other, staring into each other’s eyes. Catra feels giddy with it, her skin buzzing and her thoughts swirling with stunned disbelief. When did she get to have nice things? Since when is _she_ allowed to win?

When they finally keep walking – Bow and Glimmer having long since disappeared – Catra catches a flicker of pain on Adora’s face. It’s gone after less than a second, but Catra studies her anyway, noticing the shadows under her eyes. She looks exhausted – happy, but exhausted. No wonder; they just pulled an all-nighter defeating the greatest evil in the universe. It’s incredible that any of them are still standing.

It happens twice more as they cross the field. The third time, Adora rests her hand on her chest, prompting Catra to stop.

“You okay?” Catra asks. She keeps her voice gentle and even, her expression as soft and kind as she knows how. _You don’t have to pretend. It’s just me._

“A little sore,” Adora admits. Catra squeezes her hand. “She-Ra always heals my injuries, but I can still feel them a little bit.”

“Let’s take a break.” Catra keeps her tone light and her smile easy; without waiting for a response she sits down, patting the space next to her. 

Adora looks at her, blushing again. Catra will never get over this, the sight of Adora looking at _her_ and _blushing_. Does she know how many times Catra has done that? Has she done it before, and Catra simply didn’t notice? Her heart beats wildly in her chest as Adora sits down, tentative and careful in her movements. Catra lets her tail drift up and down Adora’s leg for a moment before they lie down together, tangled up in each other in a way they have done a thousand times before. It’s different, of course, this time. Everything is different now.

Catra is purring again. Adora smiles, but it’s not long before her eyes close. Catra rests her forehead in Adora’s hair poof and lets herself drift off to sleep, lulled by the sound of Adora’s steady breathing.

* * *

Catra blinks awake, unsure how much time has passed. Everything comes rushing back to her in an instant: her, Adora, kissing. _Her and Adora kissing._ Prime is gone. The world has changed forever. These are the _weirdest_ flowers she has ever seen.

 _This is happening,_ she thinks, tracing the edge of Adora’s face with her fingertips. _This is really happening._ It’s almost impossible to take in.

After a few minutes, her eyes drift closed and she dozes off again.

* * *

She wakes up to Adora running her fingers through her hair. Catra feels herself purr before she even opens her eyes, hears Adora chuckle softly in response. Catra smiles. She could listen to that sound forever.

“Hey, Adora,” she whispers as her eyes open. Adora is fixing her with a smile that makes her entire body go soft.

“Hi.”

Catra could stay here, letting Adora look at her like this, until she wastes away into nothing. But Adora’s stomach rumbles, shattering the moment. Catra giggles, a giddy, high-pitched sound she hasn’t heard from herself in a long time.

A sheepish grin crosses Adora’s face. “Sorry.”

Catra responds by kissing her, soft at first, but deepening in intensity as Adora kisses back. Catra’s heart is pounding again, her skin thrumming. She feels giddy, euphoric, like she’s going to dissolve into the soft particles of magic floating and drifting around them.

The moment is broken, again, by Adora’s stomach growling. They both laugh this time, pressing their foreheads together, Catra’s hand on Adora’s face and Adora’s hand tracing patterns on Catra’s back.

“Come on, princess,” Catra’s voice is low and soft. “Let’s get you some food.”

* * *

The rebellion has made a camp of sorts in the field where the battle took place. Catra’s not sure where they got the tents, the supplies, or the materials to make a fire, but she’s not about to complain, especially as the smell of _actual cooked food_ reaches them. 

The space is so lush and green that Catra would never have guessed what happened here during the night. Several people wave – not just to Adora, but to _both_ of them. Swift Wind, whinnying, nearly knocks Adora over in his rush to greet her. Adora laughs, wrapping her arms around his neck as Melog _does_ knock over Catra. 

Even when Catra understands them completely – which she almost always does – Melog is very difficult to translate. Their words don’t line up with hers, their ideas and images and concepts weaving together in a very different way than they do in Etheria’s language. Sometimes, however, their words translate easily; for example in this moment, when they quite clearly say, _“I told you.”_

“Okay fine yes,” Catra says, rolling her eyes. “You were right.” Melog licks her face and she giggles.

“Wait a minute.”

Catra looks up to see Frosta looking incredulous while Scorpia presses her claws together, her eyes sparkling.

“You can _actually_ understand them?” Frosta says.

Catra is not sure how Frosta took several weeks to figure this out. She gives them both a small, amused smile and says, “Yeah.”

“Is it because you’re both,” Frosta falters, pointing to the tops of her ears. “You know…”

Catra dissolves into laughter. Even Melog, who doesn’t laugh like she does, grunts and purrs with a very amused smile.

“Actually, it’s the other way around,” Catra says, wiping tears from her eyes. 

Before she has time to elaborate, Bow brings her a bowl of stew, which turns out to be one of the most delicious things Catra has ever eaten in her life. Already, Adora is drinking the last of hers, her head thrown back and her bowl tipped near-vertically over her open mouth. Catra giggles again. Typical. 

Adora meets her gaze with a soft smile, and every cell in Catra’s body melts away.

* * *

After Adora finishes her fourth or fifth bowl of stew, she and Catra snuggle together by the fire, leaning back against Swift Wind as conversations and laughter rise and fall around them. Adora falls asleep again with Catra tucked underneath her chin, purring. 

It does not escape Catra’s attention when Mermista approaches the campfire, notices Catra, narrows her eyes, and walks away. Catra deliberately doesn’t react even though Melog is grunting uncomfortably. Whatever confrontation is brewing, it can happen later.

She also ignores Bow’s squeak and the distinct words: _“…so cute!”_ It’s not so bad when it’s about her and Adora. 

Catra buries her face in Adora’s jacket – which she is _still_ wearing _all the time_ even though it’s been _three years;_ Catra is definitely going to need to do something about that – and dozes off.

* * *

She wakes up to find most of the princesses asleep by the campfire. Bow is fiddling with one of his arrows while Scorpia drapes a blanket over Frosta, who is sprawled out and snoring.

Catra is about to close her eyes again when she catches a conversation not too far behind her. She tries to ignore it, but a familiar name sends a jolt of something like fear through her spine. Melog wakes up with a start.

 _“…haven’t seen her since we left the hideout…”_ Castaspella is whispering, no doubt unaware that anyone at the camp can hear her.

 _“I checked everywhere I could think of. There was no sign of her.”_ Glimmer. That probably explains all the supplies.

 _“We have to find her.”_ Micah, his voice tense with worry, presents a stark contrast to the smug, sadistic vessel of Horde Prime that attacked them at Mystacor. _“She’s dangerous, especially now that the Heart of Etheria is…”_

Melog whines. Heart thumping, Catra extricates herself from Adora’s embrace as quietly and gently as she can. Swift Wind looks at her, but Catra shakes her head. 

“I’ll be back soon,” she whispers. “I have to go take care of something.”

* * *

The three sorcerers are huddled together in a clearing not too far away. They probably don’t expect to be overheard. Well. Glimmer, at least, should know better by now. All three of them look up, startled, when Catra approaches.

“Sorry to interrupt,” Catra says, gripping her left elbow in her right hand. “I just…I couldn’t help overhearing.” One ear twitches. She hopes its enough for them to understand that she wasn’t eavesdropping on purpose. “I…you’re talking about Shadow Weaver, right?” They nod. “I…” the words tangle up in her throat. 

Leave it to Shadow Weaver to mess up the best day of Catra’s life even after…Melog moans, and she scratches their head, gaining strength from the contact. 

“Do you know where she is?” Micah demands, leaning forward.

“She’s.” Catra closes her eyes. Her throat is stinging. She wishes she was still napping by the campfire. But someone was going to have to break the news eventually, and she’s glad it wasn’t Adora. Catra gulps, keeping her fingers in Melog’s mane. “She’s gone.” The words feel flat, hollow, fake. She doesn’t have the strength to offer more.

“Gone?” Micah says. “Gone where? How can you be sure? What exactly did you-“

“Micah!” says Castaspella, her voice sharper than Catra has ever heard it. Micah jumps, looking at her with wide eyes. Casta takes a slow breath and smiles at him. “I think our pot of tea is getting cold. Would you mind heating it up again?”

No one seems uncomfortable with the fact that Castaspella basically just ordered the King of Bright Moon to make tea, so Catra doesn’t respond to it either. She takes a slow, trembling breath, her heart pounding again in a distinctly unpleasant way.

“Why don’t you come sit down?” Casta says, her voice soft and gentle. Catra nods and sits next to Glimmer. Melog rests their head in her lap. The pressure is grounding, soothing.

“When you’re ready,” Casta says with a small, sad smile, “I would be very grateful if you could tell us what happened.”

Micah is lighting a small fire underneath a teakettle. Catra watches the flames for a moment, then looks away, tears stinging her eyes.

“There was…” Her voice shakes. The words catch and twist and knot together. “She. I was about to.” Catra closes her eyes. Deep breath. Melog grunts. “She sacrificed herself to save me.”

Catra keeps her eyes closed so she doesn’t have to see their reaction. Glimmer’s hand brushes her back; Catra tenses for a moment but doesn’t shrink away. Her voice wavering, her words stopping and starting, she explains about the elemental. About the barrier of magic holding her back. About the explosion. She does not recount what Shadow Weaver said in those final moments. She can’t. Not yet.

“Oh Catra,” Glimmer whispers as Catra buries her face in her palms. “I’m so sorry.”

“All my life, she-“ Catra shakes her head, clutching her arms so tightly that it starts to hurt. “She hurt me. She _hated_ me. But then.” _She died for me. Not Adora. Me. She said she was proud of me._ She opens her eyes to find Melog watching her with a soft, gentle gaze. 

“This must be so confusing for you,” Castaspella says. Catra doesn’t reply. Glimmer presses a cup of steaming tea into her hands.

“I. I guess that’s it then.” Micah sounds incredibly uncomfortable. She doesn’t blame him. 

“She was…complicated,” says Castaspella. “She did…a lot of terrible things. But she died a hero.”

“I wouldn’t go that far,” says Micah. Casta must be glaring at him because he says, more firmly, “No. Not after everything she did. Just because she did one good thing in her life-”

Catra doesn’t hear the rest of his sentence over the roaring sound that rises in her ears. She clutches her chest, eyes wide as her breath fails her and her heart starts pounding so hard she can feel it in her temples. It’s like all the air has been sucked away. The cup of tea crashes to the ground, splashing her feet.

Melog reacts immediately. As Catra struggles for air, they nose insistently at her hands, shrinking and then growing until they’re slotted perfectly against her chest. Catra, her arms shaking, clings to them.

“Dad?” Glimmer says, sounding miles away. “Aunt Casta? Do you think you could give us some space?” Catra doesn’t know if they respond.

Melog murmurs in her ear, drawing up images and sensations: the breeze in the meadow, the crackling fire, the smell of tea, the grass under her feet. “ _Think about these_ ,” is the closest translation of what they’re saying. Catra tries.

“I’m so sorry,” Glimmer says again. “It’s just us now. My dad- he hasn’t been around people in more than 15 years. He didn’t know what he was saying.” 

Catra finally draws enough breath to sob into Melog’s mane. Glimmer wraps her arms around them both and they stay this way for a long time.

Only when Catra shifts does Glimmer let go. Catra wipes her eyes with the heel of her palm and whispers, “I’m sorry” in a voice that is almost unrecognizable.

“Nope.” Glimmer shakes her head. “Apology not accepted. You have nothing to be sorry for.” She presses another cup of steaming tea into Catra’s hands. “Will it help,” Glimmer says, her voice tentative, “if I tell you how much good you’ve done since you joined us?”

Catra shakes her head, more tears springing to her eyes. “Not…not now. I don’t.” She takes another trembling breath. “I don’t want to talk about it anymore.”

“Okay,” Glimmer’s voice is gentle. “Do you want to talk about something else?”

Catra considers for a moment. Nods.

“Alright.” Glimmer’s voice picks up a notch. “How about the fact that you and Adora are _finally_ officially together?”

Catra can’t help but smile at the sound of Adora’s name. Except… “What do you mean _finally_?”

“Oh please,” Glimmer laughs. “You two are so obvious.”

“What?”

The Queen of Bright Moon and former leader of the Rebellion slaps her forehead dramatically.

“Catra,” she says, with an exaggerated amount of patience injected into her tone. “You sacrificed yourself to save me – who had only ever been your enemy – in order to keep Adora safe. Then, you _jumped into fire_ to save her. And Adora…Adora got _She-Ra_ back because of you.”

“That,” Catra sputters. “That doesn’t. She. I.” Melog narrows her eyes at her. “ _I told you_.” 

There’s another moment of silence. Then Catra starts giggling. It’s small at first, a chuckle under her breath. Glimmer joins in, Melog hums, and soon all three of them have sprawled out on the grass. Eventually they lay side-by-side in silence, Catra admiring one of the many rainbows twinkling in Etheria’s new sky. 

“I think I’m ready to go back now,” she says.

* * *

When they reach the camp, they find Adora and Swift Wind awake and munching on apples. Catra giggles again when she notices the pile of discarded cores between them. Adora’s head snaps up at the sound, her face unfolding into a radiant smile when she sees Catra. Glimmer was right; she is so obvious. 

Adora’s expression shifts to concerned as Catra grows closer. Her eyes are probably still red from crying. “Are you okay?”

Catra sits and casually rests her hand on Adora’s thigh. Touching her like this feels forbidden, like the most natural thing in the world. She never wants to stop.

“I’m alright,” Catra says, and she means it. “I’ll explain later.”

Adora smiles again and every bad feeling melts away.

“I love you,” Catra says. 

Adora kisses her forehead. “I love you too.”

She knows it won’t last forever, this feeling that Adora has completed her, has fixed the parts of her that are broken. Still, Adora has chased away Catra’s demons for a little while, and Catra knows that they can help each other heal over time. They _have_ time now. They have each other.

Catra lays down, resting her head in Adora’s lap, her purr loud and unrestrained once Adora starts running a hand through her hair. She’s asleep again in a matter of minutes.


End file.
